Beware: Three-headed monster!

The rich get richer, and the poor? Well, we continue to suck.

A quick peek at the Jea Football League 2011 standings shows that three teams are 3-0, one has a .500 record, and the rest have losing records.

That's right, six of our 10 teams are losers in the standings realm.

And because six teams make the playoffs, that means if the playoffs were today, two teams with losing records would be in. How sad!

But let's look on the bright side and focus on those 3-0 teams for a second.

Specifically, last year's champion: Fire Ants. If you include the three rounds of playoffs last season, Ants have won 10 games in a row.

That's right. Ten games, zero losses. To really drive home the point, consider this: He hasn't lost since Nov. 7, 2010. Insane.

In other 3-0 news, Team Fartsicle is off to a not-crappy start. The league's third-highest-scoring team last season has 480 points through three games in 2011, a sweet 160 per game. Not bad!

And last year's second-highest-scoring team, Team Green Trees, holds the same spot through three games this year. He's pulling in nearly 150 points per.

So that's the good news. The bad news? Explosion Imminent!!!, who has one painful loss for each of his team's exclamation points!

It's bad enough that his opponents score more points against him than any other opponent (145 per game). Combine that with the fact that Explosion has scored the fewest points this season (87 per game), and we have a problem.

Another disturbing trend: Teams No. 1, 2, 3 in most points scored rank 2nd, 3rd, and 1st in fewest points against. Should it surprise you that those are our 3-0 teams?

Yay, scheduling!

To the recaps! (As usual, starting with the closest games)

Steeles 127, Feeny 123


Let's say you have to pick between two quarterbacks. One is pretty decent, and you drafted him fairly high (for a second QB). The other is Rex Grossman. Which do you choose?

If you picked Rex Grossman, you lose. And I did. And I did.

Yep, had I started Eli Manning, Steeles would be 0-3, and I would be one of only four teams with a winning record. But in the closest game of the week, Tim Hightower had just enough to beat Grossman and the rest of my team.

In other news, has there been a bigger bust this season so far than Chris Johnson? Sure, some of our keepers have been injured, but Chris Johnson has played in every game. He just hasn't played well, and that's led to Steeles' 1-2 start.

CJ2K's 4, 6, and 7 points won't win many weeks for the Steeles if something doesn't change.

Cactus 95, When 84


Two of the four lowest-scoring teams this week faced off in an all-Nguyen-all-the-time showdown.

The winning Nguyen this week was Cactus, who now has a symmetrical 1-1-1 record after a Week 1 tie.

Cactus had a decently balanced, if low-scoring, team, but When went Patriots-heavy this week. Two of his three New England players (Brady and Gronkowski) combined for more than half his team's total.

And with Jamaal Charles already out with a torn ACL, add another fantasy stud to the not-walking wounded for When: Kenny Britt, who had 48 points in his first two games this season.

Ouch.

More injury fun with Lonely Cactus, with Arian Foster and Michael Vick both hurt in Week 3. Foster has 3 points this season. Total.

Fartsicle 149, Dark Knight 132


Please take a moment to compare these scores to the scores in the Cactus-When game. Need I say more?

OK, I will anyway. These teams are good. You know how good Farty has been this season, and Dark Knight has the fourth-most points scored, a fact not reflected in his 1-2 record.

Fifteen players in this matchup scored in double figures. Wow. Not to belabor the point, but just eight players scored in double digits in the Catcus-When game.

I said it last season, and I'll say it again. Sometimes you can have a great week and still lose. Just ask the 2010 version of An.

This one might have been closer if Knight had been monitoring Beanie Wells' status for his 3:15 start. Wells was declared inactive, and Knight could have replaced him with WR Sidney Rice, boosting his point total by 11.

Sure, Knight still would have lost, but every point matters when the playoffs get here. Important: You don't want to drop points at any, um, point in the season.

Eleven points now are worth the same as 11 points in Week 13.

Ants 111, Explosion 68


I've told you about these two teams already. One can't lose, the other can't seem to win. Let's let Explosion tell you his thoughts: "Ugh. Can I just quit now?"

No, but you can take comfort in the memory that Ants started 0-3 last season before pulling off an improbable championship. So don't declare your team DOA after just three weeks!

But DOA is probably an accurate description for Explosion's team this week. His leading scorer had just 13 points (Ryan), a total nearly tripled by Ants' leading scorer (Welker, 36).

When I look at Explosion's roster, though, I see talent there. I think. Let's hope, for Explo's sake, that the guys show up in the future.

Trees 145, Hay Knee 93


Blowout of the week! (Though for some reason the Ants-Explosion game feels like it was a bigger blowout.)

Jeeeeez. Look at the top seven players on Trees: 32, 24, 23, 16, 15, 14, 12. That will get it done most weeks, people.

His two excellent keepers, Rice and Peterson, combined for a solid 30, and it only seemed to improve from there.

Hay Knee didn't have a bad week, but his two top scorers were on his bench. It wouldn't have changed the outcome, but it sure would've looked better!

Whatever you do, do not look down

The days of bullying the worst teams in the league are over. The bottom-dwellers are back, and revenge is what they crave.

Each of the four lowest-ranked teams coming into Week 7 won this week, shaking up the standings and calling into question the very notion of the term "crappy team." Even Hahne, loser of four straight, came back and showed that he's not ready to just donate his $20 to the league pot.

We have passed the halfway point of the season, folks, and with seven of 13 games played, just three games separate first from last in the standings. And when last place has scored the second-most points in the league, it's time for those on top to fear what's below.

Even Trees and Steeles, who sit atop the league with five wins each, aren't running away with the league at this point. In fact, no team has a winning or losing streak of more than two games right now, which tells me that there's a lot of football left to be played (while we watch and count the yards and touchdowns amassed by the real athletes, of course).

Let's take a look at playoff chances for a second. If every remaining game was decided by flipping a coin (and, let's be honest, it does feel that way some times), Practice would have the lowest chance of getting in, 19 percent. All nine remaining teams would have at least a 47 percent chance of getting in. That means nobody is out of it at this point. And if Practice beats Explosion this week, Practice's chance of getting into the playoffs automatically jumps to 30 percent.

Let's dive into the matchups, shall we? We'll start with the game that didn't have the highest scores but did have the most exciting finish.

When 109, Ants 96


Tony Romo's left clavicle. That one bone may have been the difference between winning and losing for Ants. If Romo stays in there, maybe Ants gets a few more touchdown passes. And if that happens, maybe it keeps Eli Manning off the field longer and reduces When's score.

But as they say, "Maybe ain't good enough in horseshoes."

All things considered, this was an entertaining game, especially because the two teams had a total of five active players in the Monday night game. One game will decide it all, Harry Potter.

When got great production from E. Manning (23) and Joe Flacco (20), and Ants saw 22 points from newly acquired Steve Johnson (who?).

Things are looking good for the 4-3 Team When, who has won two straight and is now in fourth place. But he has seven players on bye this week, including two quarterbacks, and he plays the second-place Steeles. In other words, things aren't looking good for Team When.

Things aren't looking too promising for Ants, either. He plays the first-place Trees next, his top quarterback (Romo) is out for six to eight weeks, and his QB2 (Cutler) is on bye. Good luck!

Trees 159, Fartsicle 79


Trees: "Looks like I'm playing you this week, little bro."
Fartsicle: "Because you're such a great big bro I'm going to start two players who are inactive and one who is on bye week. Are you proud of me?"
Trees: "What? Oh, sorry, I didn't catch that. I was too busy counting how many players will score in double digits for me this week. I keep losing count."


I assume the pre-Week 7 conversation between real-life brothers Trees and Fartsicle went something like that.

Yes, Fartsicle started three players who were projected to get 0 points (one because he was on bye). And yes, it wouldn't have mattered anyway because Trees was the week's leading scorer.

Does Trees have an easy schedule? Yes, the easiest. Has Trees let that embarrassingly easy schedule affect his own performance? Nope. He has scored the highest points per game (121). It's hard to lose when you've got those kind of numbers.

But it's always fun to dream about having a schedule that lets you play the lowest-scoring team four of the seven weeks of the season so far. What would your record be with Trees' schedule? Let's find out, going from the bottom of the standings up. The numbers are Wins-Losses-Ties, of course. The team's actual record is in parentheses.

Practice: 5-1-1 (2-5)

Republic: 4-2-1 (3-4)

Ants: 5-2-0 (3-4)

Fartsicle: 3-3-1 (3-4)

Hahne: 4-2-1 (3-4)

Explosion: 4-2-1 (3-4)

When: 4-2-1 (4-3)

Screech: 5-1-1 (4-3)

Steeles: 6-1-0 (5-2)

Again, Trees has no control over his opponents' points (unless that opponent is his brother! I kid, I kid). But it's always fun to dream!

Let me get back to Fartsicle's 79 points for a second. It's time for an Official Bryan Rant. Sure, it's understandable to forget to look at your roster once in the course of a week. Internet access is tough to find these days. I get that.

But let's remember two things. First, every result affects more than just the two teams in the matchup. With standings being as close as they are, every game matters. In other words, I was people were counting on you to beat Trees this week!

Second, because the first tiebreaker for playoff seeding is total points scored, you want to grab every point you can from every week, even the losses. Take a look at this shocking stat: Farsicle and Hahne each are 3-4. Fartsicle trails Hahne by just four points in the standings.

If the playoffs started today, Hahne would be in as the sixth seed, and Fartsicle would be out. Thanks for playing, send us your $20, Fartsicle.

Four measly points. Fartsicle's backup TE Hernandez scored five points. The TE he started, Keller, was on bye. If Fartsicle had made that one roster switch, he would be in playoff position.

Again, I'm ranting, and it might not even matter. But that's a stirring reminder to all of us that every point counts!

Republic 132, Screech 111


In the Week 5 recap, I wrote, "Republic is in last place, but there's some definite promise on his bench that says he could turn things around."

I hate it when I'm right. He definitely has turned it around, winning two in a row now and with signs of more to come. In fact, there's even more promise on his bench in the form of Kenny Britt, who I drafted  in the 17th round and later dropped. Oops!

Britt scored 44 points and was on Republic's bench (Oops!), meaning this 21-point win could've easily been much worse.

Now, Republic is still out of the playoffs if the season ended today, and his team has scored a league-low 98 points per game. But good things could be in Republic's future.

As for Screech, things weren't terrible for me, seeing as I did score in the top half of all teams this week. But too many 3- and 4-point days from key players just won't get it done. But because what I say on the blog apparently comes true, let me say this: Screech will score 150+ points in Week 8 and will beat Fartsicle!

Practice 151, Steeles 107


Once again, Steeles doesn't get production from Chris Johnson and Matt Forte, and Steeles loses. In the Steeles' two losses this season, the running back tandem has combined for 6 and 11 points. That meant that even Darren McFadden's eye-popping 46 points were wasted thanks to unproductive days by Johnson and Forte.

If those two had gotten their average weekly point total (16 and 14), that would've added 19 more points to Steeles' score, and he would've... still lost. OK, so maybe that trend is more of a coincidence than an actual trend.

Yes, Practice had a banner day. After an 84-point showing in Week 6, he nearly doubled that and is again in the win column. The league's last-place team has scored the second-most points in the league and still has nothing to show for it... so far.

Though Practice surely hopes this 151-point total is the sign of good things to come, he can't like the news out of the Brett Favre camp about the elderly quarterback's left ankle. Even if Favre can play, is he worth starting anymore? He's averaging 7.5 fantasy points per game, he's only scored in double digits once this season, and he's like 100 years old. Twenty-seven other quarterbacks are better fantasy QBs than Favre. Eek.

Hahne 130, Explosion 100


Ladies and gentlemen, let's welcome back Team Hahne! Hahne's 53-point meltdown in Week 3 apparently sent his team into a deep, monthlong hibernation. He lost four straight before bouncing back in a big way to put 130 on the scoreboard.

Yes, kids, you can lose four games in a row and still be in playoff contention. Thanks to Fartsicle, Hahne would be in the playoffs if the season ended today. I think the real key for Hahne this week was not starting any bye week players or players who were inactive for the game. But I'm no expert.

What I can tell you is that the Club Zero leader coming into Week 7 didn't have any 0-point or negative-point performances this week. Nice!

He did get great value out of Ryan Fitzpatrick (him?) and the Redskins D/ST (them?). Those two fantasy sleepers combined for 52 points. With four players, including Peyton Manning, on bye for Team Hahne, a win in Week 7 was no easy feat, so color me impressed.

As for Explosion, it's hard to argue with a 100-point day. He made many of the right moves, but they just didn't pay off. He benched Lee Evans against Baltimore. Smart move, but Evans got 29 points, perhaps out of spite.

He started the Saints defense, playing at home against Cleveland. Again, I would've done the same, but the D actually lost Explosion three points. Smart moves aren't always the right move, apparently.

Final thought

It might be cliche to say this, but you can't win them all, you win some, you lose some, and with teams rising from the depths of the ashes like a phoenix to break through the glass ceiling, there are no easy victories, only small actors.

Stats


Don't forget that An's stat page totally rocks.