Beware: Three-headed monster!

The rich get richer, and the poor? Well, we continue to suck.

A quick peek at the Jea Football League 2011 standings shows that three teams are 3-0, one has a .500 record, and the rest have losing records.

That's right, six of our 10 teams are losers in the standings realm.

And because six teams make the playoffs, that means if the playoffs were today, two teams with losing records would be in. How sad!

But let's look on the bright side and focus on those 3-0 teams for a second.

Specifically, last year's champion: Fire Ants. If you include the three rounds of playoffs last season, Ants have won 10 games in a row.

That's right. Ten games, zero losses. To really drive home the point, consider this: He hasn't lost since Nov. 7, 2010. Insane.

In other 3-0 news, Team Fartsicle is off to a not-crappy start. The league's third-highest-scoring team last season has 480 points through three games in 2011, a sweet 160 per game. Not bad!

And last year's second-highest-scoring team, Team Green Trees, holds the same spot through three games this year. He's pulling in nearly 150 points per.

So that's the good news. The bad news? Explosion Imminent!!!, who has one painful loss for each of his team's exclamation points!

It's bad enough that his opponents score more points against him than any other opponent (145 per game). Combine that with the fact that Explosion has scored the fewest points this season (87 per game), and we have a problem.

Another disturbing trend: Teams No. 1, 2, 3 in most points scored rank 2nd, 3rd, and 1st in fewest points against. Should it surprise you that those are our 3-0 teams?

Yay, scheduling!

To the recaps! (As usual, starting with the closest games)

Steeles 127, Feeny 123


Let's say you have to pick between two quarterbacks. One is pretty decent, and you drafted him fairly high (for a second QB). The other is Rex Grossman. Which do you choose?

If you picked Rex Grossman, you lose. And I did. And I did.

Yep, had I started Eli Manning, Steeles would be 0-3, and I would be one of only four teams with a winning record. But in the closest game of the week, Tim Hightower had just enough to beat Grossman and the rest of my team.

In other news, has there been a bigger bust this season so far than Chris Johnson? Sure, some of our keepers have been injured, but Chris Johnson has played in every game. He just hasn't played well, and that's led to Steeles' 1-2 start.

CJ2K's 4, 6, and 7 points won't win many weeks for the Steeles if something doesn't change.

Cactus 95, When 84


Two of the four lowest-scoring teams this week faced off in an all-Nguyen-all-the-time showdown.

The winning Nguyen this week was Cactus, who now has a symmetrical 1-1-1 record after a Week 1 tie.

Cactus had a decently balanced, if low-scoring, team, but When went Patriots-heavy this week. Two of his three New England players (Brady and Gronkowski) combined for more than half his team's total.

And with Jamaal Charles already out with a torn ACL, add another fantasy stud to the not-walking wounded for When: Kenny Britt, who had 48 points in his first two games this season.

Ouch.

More injury fun with Lonely Cactus, with Arian Foster and Michael Vick both hurt in Week 3. Foster has 3 points this season. Total.

Fartsicle 149, Dark Knight 132


Please take a moment to compare these scores to the scores in the Cactus-When game. Need I say more?

OK, I will anyway. These teams are good. You know how good Farty has been this season, and Dark Knight has the fourth-most points scored, a fact not reflected in his 1-2 record.

Fifteen players in this matchup scored in double figures. Wow. Not to belabor the point, but just eight players scored in double digits in the Catcus-When game.

I said it last season, and I'll say it again. Sometimes you can have a great week and still lose. Just ask the 2010 version of An.

This one might have been closer if Knight had been monitoring Beanie Wells' status for his 3:15 start. Wells was declared inactive, and Knight could have replaced him with WR Sidney Rice, boosting his point total by 11.

Sure, Knight still would have lost, but every point matters when the playoffs get here. Important: You don't want to drop points at any, um, point in the season.

Eleven points now are worth the same as 11 points in Week 13.

Ants 111, Explosion 68


I've told you about these two teams already. One can't lose, the other can't seem to win. Let's let Explosion tell you his thoughts: "Ugh. Can I just quit now?"

No, but you can take comfort in the memory that Ants started 0-3 last season before pulling off an improbable championship. So don't declare your team DOA after just three weeks!

But DOA is probably an accurate description for Explosion's team this week. His leading scorer had just 13 points (Ryan), a total nearly tripled by Ants' leading scorer (Welker, 36).

When I look at Explosion's roster, though, I see talent there. I think. Let's hope, for Explo's sake, that the guys show up in the future.

Trees 145, Hay Knee 93


Blowout of the week! (Though for some reason the Ants-Explosion game feels like it was a bigger blowout.)

Jeeeeez. Look at the top seven players on Trees: 32, 24, 23, 16, 15, 14, 12. That will get it done most weeks, people.

His two excellent keepers, Rice and Peterson, combined for a solid 30, and it only seemed to improve from there.

Hay Knee didn't have a bad week, but his two top scorers were on his bench. It wouldn't have changed the outcome, but it sure would've looked better!

Those pesky Fire Ants!

Impressive. How else would you describe seven consecutive wins to finish the season?

That's the feat accomplished by Fire Ants, your 2010 Jea Football League champion. He needed to win to get in the playoffs, and he did. Once in the playoffs, the winning just didn't stop.

In Super Bowl II, Ants rode the strength of his two quarterbacks, Josh Freeman and Jay Cutler, and not much else as he secured a 108-92 win over top-seeded Team When. Freeman and Cutler combined for 57 of Ants' 108 points.

Ants found much of his success on the waiver wires. He had to, considering his mediocre draft in which he picked a kicker before drafting a third running back. That kicker, Stephen Gostkowski, and most of the players he drafted are no longer on the team.

In fact, 76 of Ants' 108 points in the Super Bowl came from players he didn't draft. For his opponent, Team When, only 31 of 92 points came from players he didn't draft.

Well done on the waivers, Ants!

The third-place game provided a lot of excitement as it all came down to the rare Tuesday Night game.

In an off day for the Eagles offense, Steeles held onto his lead and came away in the money. Steeles, last year's champs, have won money in both seasons of the Jea Football League.

Other notes? Well, it's worth pointing out that Practice, though his season was over a month ago, continues to score a ton of points. He won all three of his consolation ladder matchups, scoring 134, 152, and 118 points over the final three weeks of the season. But, like last year, he finished 7th.

Well, that's it. The 2010 season is officially over <sniff>. It's OK, though, the 2011 Jea Football League draft will be here before you know it.

For everyone but Fire Ants, that means another chance at snagging the championship that eluded them. For Ants, it means the pressure and opportunity that comes with the drive to repeat as champion.

It will all begin next summer. I'll be in touch once it's time to discuss keepers, rule changes for next season, and draft dates. I'm thinking we'll continue with a $20 entry fee and two keepers per team for the 2011 season, but other rules are open to be changed. I'll submit to each team owner a list of proposed rule changes, and a majority vote will decide whether they will be implemented. Team owners will be able to submit their own ideas for rule changes, as well.

Well, thanks for reading! So long!

Sorry, I missed it. What happened? Did I win?

I had a busy weekend and wasn't able to watch any football, but I have to say I'm feeling pretty good about my big playoff game against the Steeles. I was projected to win, and my team has been pretty consistent all season. And the Steeles have only won twice in the last seven weeks of the season. Things are looking good. Nay, they're looking great! 


That's why I'm confused about why everyone is avoiding eye contact with me today. As I walked in this morning, some stranger patted me on the back in a consoling manner. The smile from the security guard was a little too pleasant. Three bouquets of flowers were in my office, one with the words, "I'm here for you if you need a friend." What's with that?


Ohhh, this about Cliff Lee, isn't it? It's OK, I'll get over it in time. At least I still have my fantasy team to cheer me up.


Anyway, I wanted to share my thoughts on the blog before heading over to ESPN to see how big of a victory I had against Steeles this weekend. OK, OK, I'll be modest. I guess that... I won by 10 or 12 points. BRB; wish me luck! 


Crap. 


Wild Card Round


Steeles 228, Screech 85


It all makes sense now. The sympathy cards, the pat on the back, the people staring and then quickly looking away when we made eye contact. It all makes sense.


This wasn't just your typical beatdown like the one Explosion dealt to Fire Ants in their Week 3 showdown. That was a mere 93-point dismantling.


No, this was a 143-point shellacking. Look at it this way: Steeles was 27 points away from tripling my score. 


I always look at double-digit performances as good indicators of who will win a matchup. It's a pretty good yardstick. Anything 10 points or above in a single roster spot can be considered a good day, for fantasy purposes. If your team has more double-digit performers than your opponent, you'll probably win.


Well, open up a new designation for the Steeles' players this week: 20-plus performances. He had seven of them. In fact, all but one of his double-digit performers was also a 20-plus performer. That's never happened in our league.


By comparison, I had three guys in double digits, with my highest scorer netting a whopping 17 points.


Fortunately, there are no point-related trophies awarded in the postseason, because he would get all of the good ones, and I would get all of the bad ones, most notably "Serious Pwnage." 


Steeles would probably say that he expected this type of point production every week, but it was a striking departure from the norm for him (and any team, really). Consider that Steeles averaged 110 points per week this season and that his previous best week was 150 in Week 10.


Steeles has a lot of players with big-week potential, and all of them decided to have their big week at the same time. You could call players like McFadden, C. Johnson, A. Johnson and Jackson "feast or famine." The big four had 128 points this week and would've beaten me all by themselves. Wow.


But look at Week 12, my last game against Steeles. In that week, the four combined for just 20 points. If that was a famine week, this matchup was the next 10 Thanksgivings worth of feasting all rolled into one. You can't expect those four to combine for 128 again, but Steeles will still find success if he gets at least two or three of them to have a nice week.


Here are the eight players who had double digits for Steeles. I've listed their name, how many points they had this week, where this week ranks for them, and their weekly average from the regular season:

• McFadden, 43 points, second-best week (best: 46), average: 15.4
• Jackson, 32 points, best week (previous best: 24), average: 11.9
• A. Johnson, 29 points, best week (previous best: 22), average: 12.4
• Schaub, 28 points, second-best week (best: 31), average: 15.4
• A. Smith, 27 points, best week (previous best: 20), average: 8.4
• C. Johnson, 24 points, fourth-best week (best: 29), average: 13.6
• Patriots D/ST, 20 points, second-best week (best: 27), average 7.0
• Winslow, 13 points, best week (previous best: 12), average 5.5

Four of those players had their best weeks of the season in this matchup, and two were three points below their previous best. The other two, Chris Johnson and the Patriots D/ST, finished within seven points of their previous best week.

Those eight players above combined for an average of 89.6 through the 13-week regular season. Their total in the Wild Card Round of the playoffs: 216. 


Ouch. 


If you think I'm just bitter, you're right! But there is no questioning the result in this one. His players were better than mine, and no roster moves by me could've changed that result one bit.


For all of the skill and dominance the Steeles exhibited in this matchup, I must mention his lone questionable move: starting Robbie Gould, his kicker, in the blizzard in Chicago. 


(It must be noted that if starting the wrong kicker is your worst move of the week, you're in good shape.)


The forecast called for a blizzard well before the game, and plenty of kickers were available. Let that serve as a reminder to everyone that weather might affect kickers more than any other position. The Patriots did kick three field goals successfully, but all were within 30 yards and the game was out of reach early.


Anyway, 17 available kickers scored more than Gould, including five available kickers who finished with double digits (Jeff Reed had 17). And he couldn't have needed to keep Gould on his roster that badly, considering Gould is the league's 16th-ranked kicker in fantasy production.


So, yeah. In the battle of kickers, I win 7-1. So there. 


The only other players on his roster who didn't score in double digits were much easier to understand. Matt Forte, a strong runner, should have done much better in the snow, even against the Steeles' own defense, the Patriots.


And Santonio Holmes dropped what was a sure touchdown in rainy conditions at the Meadowlands, so his day could've easily been better and vaulted the Steeles' score higher.


Nicely done, Steeles. 


Next up for Steeles: A semifinal game against the league's top-ranked team, Team When. When had the most wins during the regular season, but Steeles finished with a few more points than When, 1434-1415. 


However, When won their lone regular-season matchup, 93-83. You might remember that game as the one where When had five players on bye and started just one quarterback but still beat the Steeles' on an off day.


Steeles can't carry any points over from the previous week, and, like all of the four remaining playoff teams, he still needs to win at least once in the next two weeks to finish in the money. 


As good as he looked this week, it seems impossible for Steeles to come anywhere near 200 points again. The question on everyone's minds, then, is just how far "back to Earth" will he come? 


Stay tuned and find out!




Ants 115, Trees 77


Now this is how fantasy football playoffs are supposed to go down. They should be low-scoring affairs where someone with the last name Wendell ends up winning.


Yes, the Fire Ants are in the semifinals, something that wasn't looking too likely after the 0-3 start.


These are two teams that are continuing their surge in opposite directions. Ants has won five in a row, including the playoff win, and Trees has now lost five straight.


Momentum should not be as important in fantasy football as it is in regular football, but these two teams suggest otherwise.


How wacky was this game? Well, consider that Trees' leading scorer was his defense, and Ants' top performer was his kicker, Jay Feely, who had a touchdown, five field goals, and four extra points to finish with 28. That's only the second double-digit week of the season for Feely. His previous best? Thirteen points all the way back in Week 5.


Cutler was a disappointment for Ants, but his other QB, Josh Freeman, was not. Freeman's stats are interesting. He had 17 in this matchup, which means he's gone 10 straight games with between 11 and 19 points. Consistently decent!


That's more than you can say about Ben Roethlisberger and Carson Palmer, the Trees' QBs, who were two of the several disappointing players for the Trees. 


Plugging in Trees' top bench players, McNabb (17) and Garçon (21), would've made this closer but still resulted in an Ants win.


Next up for Ants: A semifinal game against the league's second-ranked team, Team Fartsicle. Farty outscored Ants 1472-1439 in the regular season and won their only matchup, 131-89.


But in that game, Farty got 27 points from Aaron Rodgers, who is now questionable with a concussion.


You see, for some reason, Farty played Rodgers during his bye in the first round of the playoffs, and now the league's second-best fantasy QB is injured and might not play this weekend. I guess that's what you get for showboating and starting your top players during a bye week!




Note about Waivers:


The waiver order has been reset for the Semifinal round of the playoffs the reflect the seeds of the four remaining teams. The top four are the ones that really matter, and it goes: When, Fartsicle, Ants, Steeles, in that order. 


Good luck to everyone in the Semifinal Round of the playoffs! 

This is it

It's all come down to this, folks. Just one week remains in the Jea Football League regular season. There's still a lot to be decided, so keep your seat belts fastened for one more week.

The 2010 season has been an interesting ride, as it always is. Like any sports league, ours has had its share of frustrations and triumphs over the past 12 weeks of fantasy football.

The frustrations were for Practice, mainly. He finally lost his seasonlong battle against an impossible schedule.

And triumphs for Ants and Fartsicle, each near the bottom of the standings earlier in the season. Ants started 0-3 before winning seven of the next nine. Fartsicle was 3-3 before putting together a solid 4-1 stretch. Those two teams have locked up a playoff spot.

They join When and Screech as four of the six teams who are guaranteed a playoff slot. But six total teams are still in contention for one of the top two seeds. Remember, finishing the regular season in first or second gives you a first-round bye and a better chance at the money.

But what about those other two unclaimed playoff spots? Let's look at each team's playoff scenarios, starting at the top of the standings and working our way down.

Remember: The tiebreaker between two or more teams with identical records is total points scored. In the scenarios below, I won't get into what would happen if two teams had identical records and identical points scored. That would take way too long. But, FYI, the second tiebreaker is most total points against.

Playoff scenarios:


WHEN (8-4 record; 1,312 points scored)
Odds of making playoffs: 100 percent
Average finishing position: 1.8
Highest and lowest possible finish: 1st, 3rd
Week 13 opponent: Screech
What he has to do to get a first-round bye:

• WIN
• LOSE, and one of these four...
• Fartsicle and Ants loss
• Fartsicle win, and Ants loss:
• Plus make up 21-point deficit to Fartsicle
• Fartsicle loss, and Ants win:
• Plus maintain 24-point lead on Ants
• Fartsicle and Ants win:
• Plus make up 22-point deficit to Fartsicle, AND maintain 24-point lead on Ants

SCREECH (7-5; 1,364)

Odds of making playoffs: 100 percent

Average finishing position: 2.5

Highest and lowest possible finish: 1st, 5th 

Week 13 opponent: When

What he has to do to get a first-round bye:

• WIN, and one of these four...
• Fartsicle and Ants loss
• Fartsicle win and Ants loss:
• Plus maintain 22-point lead on Fartsicle
• Fartsicle loss and Ants win:
• Plus maintain 67-point lead on Ants
• Fartsicle and Ants win:
• Plus maintain 22- and 67-point leads
• LOSE, and all of the following...
• Fartsicle and Ants loss
• Maintain his 22- and 67-point leads on Fartsicle and Ants
• And one of these these four scenarios:
• Trees loss, Steeles loss
• Trees win, Steeles loss, maintain 1-point lead on Trees
• Trees loss, Steeles win, maintain 31-point lead on Steeles
• Trees win, Steeles win, maintain both leads

FARTSICLE (7-5; 1,342)

Odds of making playoffs: 100 percent

Average finishing position: 3.0

Highest and lowest possible finish: 1st, 6th

Week 13 opponent: Hahne

What he has to do to get a first-round bye:

• WIN, and one of these four...
• When win and Ants loss
• When win and Ants win:
• Plus maintain 45-point lead on Ants
• Screech win and Ants loss:
• Plus make up 22-point deficit to Screech
• Screech win and Ants win:
• Plus make up Screech deficit, AND maintain lead on Ants
• LOSS, and all of the following...
• When win (over Screech)
• Ants loss
• Make up the Screech deficit, maintain lead on Ants
• And one of these these four scenarios:
• Trees loss, Steeles loss
• Trees win, Steeles loss, make up 21-point deficit to Trees
• Trees loss, Steeles win, maintain 9-point lead on Steeles
• Trees win, Steeles win, make up Trees deficit, and maintain Steeles lead

ANTS (7-5; 1,297)

Odds of making playoffs: 100 percent

Average finishing position: 3.7

Highest and lowest possible finish: 2nd, 4th

Week 13 opponent: Republic

What he has to do to get a first-round bye:

• WIN, and one of these four...
• When win and Fartsicle loss
• When win and Fartsicle win:
• Plus make up 45-point deficit to Fartsicle
• Screech win and Fartsicle loss:
• Plus make up 67-point deficit to Screech
• Screech win and Fartsicle win:
• Plus make up Screech and Fartsicle deficits
• LOSS, and all of the following...
• When win (over Screech)
• Fartsicle loss
• Make up the Screech deficit and Fartsicle deficits
• And one of these these four scenarios:
• Trees loss, Steeles loss
• Trees win, Steeles loss, make up 66-point deficit to Trees
• Trees loss, Steeles win, make up 36-point deficit to Steeles
• Trees win, Steeles win, make up Trees and Steeles deficits

TREES (6-6; 1,363)

Odds of making playoffs: 93.8 percent

Average finishing position: 5.1

Highest and lowest possible finish: 2nd, 7th

Week 13 opponent: Practice

What he has to do to get a first-round bye:

• WIN, and all of the following...
• When win (over Screech)
• Fartsicle loss
• Ants loss
• Make up 1-point deficit to Screech
• Maintain leads on Fartsicle (21 pts) and Ants (66)
• Plus one of these scenarios:
• Steeles loss
• Steeles win AND maintain 30-point lead on Steeles

 What he has to do to make the playoffs:

• WIN
• LOSS, and one of the following...
• Losses by Republic, Explosion, AND Hahne
• Maintain leads on any of these teams if they win: Explosion (26), Republic (81), and Hahne (239)

STEELES (6-6; 1,333)

Odds of making playoffs: 50 percent

Average finishing position: 5.9

Highest and lowest possible finish: 2nd, 8th 

Week 13 opponent: Explosion

What he has to do to get a first-round bye:

• WIN, and all of the following...
• When win (over Screech)
• Fartsicle loss
• Ants loss
• Make up 31-point deficit to Screech and 9-point deficit to Fartsicle
• Maintain lead on Ants (36)
• Plus one of these scenarios:
• Trees loss
• Trees win AND make up 30-point deficit to Trees

What he has to do to make the playoffs:

• WIN
• LOSS, and all of the following...
• Trees loss
• Make up 30-point deficit on Trees
• Maintain 51-point and 209-point leads on Republic and Hahne if either of those teams wins

EXPLOSION (5-7; 1,337)

Odds of making playoffs: 37.5 percent

Average finishing position: 7.7

Highest and lowest possible finish: 5th, 10th 

Week 13 opponent: Steeles

What he has to do to make the playoffs:

• WIN, and one of the following...
• Losses by Republic and Hahne
• Maintain leads over Republic (55) and Hahne (213) even if either wins.

REPUBLIC (5-7; 1,282)

Odds of making playoffs: 18.8 percent

Average finishing position: 7.5

Highest and lowest possible finish: 5th, 10th 

Week 13 opponent: Ants

What he has to do to make the playoffs:

• WIN, and one of the following...
• Steeles loss and make up 51-point deficit to Steeles:
• Plus make up deficit to Explosion (55) and maintain lead on Hahne if Hahne wins (158)
• Trees loss and make up 81-point deficit to Trees:
• Plus make up deficit to Explosion and maintain lead on Hahne if either wins

HAHNE (5-7; 1,124)

Odds of making playoffs: Less than one-tenth of 1 percent. (It ain't happening)

Average finishing position: 8.3

Highest and lowest possible finish: 6th (technically), 10th 

Week 13 opponent: Fartsicle

What he has to do to make the playoffs:

• WIN, and one of the following...
• Steeles loss and make up 209-point deficit to Steeles:
• Plus make up deficit to Explosion if he wins (213) and Republic if he wins (158)
• Trees loss and make up 239-point deficit to Trees:
• Plus make up deficit to Explosion and Republic if either wins

PRACTICE (4-8; 1,455)

Odds of making playoffs: None.

Average finishing position: 9.5

Week 13 opponent: Trees

Highest and lowest possible finish: 8th, 10th

PSA: Thursday Night Football begins this week

Don't forget, all you Jea Football Leaguers, that this week is the start of Thursday Night Football.

It's Ravens vs. Falcons this Thursday. For you, that means you should make sure your Ravens or Falcons players are where you want them to be, on the bench or on your roster, before that game kicks at 7 p.m. CT.

The waiver process won't change. Waivers already process early Thursday morning anyway.

Good luck!

Gettin' some digits

Finally, we got us some digits! Triple digits, that is.

After last week's embarrassing league showing all around, the responsibility for this week's embarrassment falls squarely on the shoulders of just one team: Team Hahne, who beat his own record for lowest points in a single week (53) with a 50-point day.

The rest of the group, though, did well. We averaged 109.1 points even with Hahne. Take him out of the equation, and our average is 115.7. Nice!

Last week, seven of the 10 teams finished with double digits. This week, seven of the 10 teams finished with triple digits. Another improvement.

A look at the playoff chances tells us that this week's wins for Trees and When put them in great positions. Both teams are 6-3, meaning they hold the keys to their playoff destinies.

In fact, if When and Trees win this week, they're guaranteed a playoff spot.

But even with a win in Week 10, the playoff seeding will be far from locked up. Every playoff team should be gunning for the first two seeds, because those positions mean a bye in the first round and a guarantee that both of your playoff games will have money on the line.

How so? Well, a first-round bye gets you into the semifinals automatically. Win that game, and you're in the championship where the winner gets $100 and the loser gets $60.

Lose in the semifinals, though, and you still get a chance to win some cash. You'll fall to the third-place game where the winner snags $40.

Lose that game, and, well, sorry. Good luck next year.

For some teams, though, just making the playoffs is the goal. Get in, and anything could happen, right? Teams like Hahne, Practice, Ants, Republic, and Explosion have at best a 5 percent chance of making one of those top two seeds. So the goal is getting in any way they can.

For Hahne, that task gets tougher each week he forgets to set a lineup. He's dropped six of his last seven, and those two dominant performances in the first two weeks of the season seem so far away now.

Hahne has looked good in his three wins, scoring 133, 143, and 131 points. But it's those pitiful losses that have to be frustrating for him. In his six losses, he's averaging just 70.7 points.

And then there's the fascinating story of Practice. He's the league's second-best team in terms of total points scored. He trails the leader in that category, Trees, by just one point. But he's also the worst at defense, apparently. Opponents have scored 117.6 points per game against him, on average.

Somehow, though, his average points scored is still higher than his average points allowed: 118.2 to 117.6.

There are five teams whose points scored total exceeds their points against, and Practice is one of them. But, as you can probably guess, he's the only one of the five who wouldn't make the playoffs if the season ended today.

I've been using that whole "if the season ended today" bit for several weeks now. But heads up, people. There are only four games left in the season. That means that there's precious little time for you to turn this boat around.

Practice 133, Republic 125

Though he's tied for the worst record in the league, Practice is one point away from being tied for the league's best team statistically. That last word makes all the difference.

Practice did what he do this week: he scored a lot of points. And his opponent did what Practice's opponents typically do: also score a lot of points.

In fact, Practice's opponent was the highest-scoring losing team from Week 9, something all too familiar for Practice.

Also, it's hard not to mention Brett Favre's return to the Practice lineup after his recent time spent in free agency. That shakeup must've been just what Favre needed, because he scored 23 points (a season high). The problem? He did it on Practice's bench.

Republic's bench scored exactly 0 points. He had five players on bye week and a sixth (Reggie Bush) who was injured. That makes his 125-point day even more impressive, considering that the only players on his team who actually scored points were the 11 he started.

Still, Republic finished as the Hard Luck Loser. (That's the Jea Football League designation for a team that loses while scoring in the top 4 for the week.) Tough luck for Republic, who now sits in 7th in the league standings.



That was really the only close game. The rest were blowouts. Plus I'm also busy at work, so there's not too much time to write more...

But three other things, quickly:

1. Hahne has gone missing again. I already mentioned his 50-point showing, but the reason behind that poor showing was that he started a bye week TE, D/ST and K. Not good, Hahne, not good. But the Screeches thank you for the free win.
2. Two teams going in opposite directions: When and Steeles. Steeles, once a 5-1 powerhouse, has fallen down to earth after three straight losses. Meanwhile, When was 2-3 at one point and has rattled off four straight wins, catapulting him into second place.
3. Want An's digits? Then look at his stat page.

That sinking feeling

You know that feeling you got in high school or college when you walked out of a class, knowing you had aced the big test? Your head is held high, and nothing can bring you down.

You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, well this is the opposite of that.

In a week of lousy performances, pretty much the entire league should be ashamed of itself.

First, the good news: It was the first time all season that no team scored under 80 points.

Now, the bad news: It was the first time this season that the week's leading scorer had less than 132 points. (Fire Ants, yes, those Fire Ants, led all teams with 113 points.)

The average score for the week, 96.3 points per team, was 4 points under our previous low average and nearly 11 points below our season average after eight weeks.

You may want to blame the players on your team for underperforming or you may bemoan the bye weeks, but I choose to blame you (and me, of course).

The bright spots among the five "winning" teams (if you can call them that) would have to be When and Republic. Each team has won three straight games and both are squarely in the playoff hunt.

That means the playoff picture looks like this. If the remaining five weeks of games were decided by coin tosses, eight of the 10 teams would have a better than 57 percent chance of getting in.

That's because those eight teams are all separated by one game. Three teams have 5-3 records, and five have 4-4 records. That's parity, folks!

Let's get to the recaps, starting with the closest game.



When 93, Steeles 83
Team When's owner said it best in the chat board for this matchup: "unfreakingbelievable."

Let me be straight with you here. If a team willingly starts two injured players, one player projected to get 0 points, and only one quarterback, that team shouldn't win.

But don't tell that to Mr. Nguyen; When win when he does just that.

Sure, When became just the second team to have four Club Zero players in one week (Fartsicle did it last week and lost bad). But When did it in style, getting double-digit points from five of the other seven players on his roster.

Even still, 93 points isn't enough to win, right? I mean, Practice has scored more than 93 in seven of eight weeks, and he's 2-6.

Somebody forgot to tell Steeles, who naturally assumed that he'd stomp a seven-player roster. Even ESPN projected him to outscore When by 62 points.

But Steeles did nothing of the sort, and he became the second player to score 60 or more points below his projected total (Hahne scored 77 under projected in his Week 3 meltdown).

What went wrong for Steeles? He had two Club Zero players of his own, poor quarterback play, and a combined six points from his three starting receivers not named Andre Johnson.

It's a bummer for Steeles, but hey, he still makes the playoffs 88 out of 100 times, according to projections.



Explosion 107, Practice 96
I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again: You have to feel bad for Practice.

As we seem to do every week, let's compare 10th-place Practice with first-place Trees.

Trees points scored: 943 (highest in league)
Practice points scored: 931 (second-highest in league)

Trees points against: 738 (lowest in league)
Practice points against: 933 (highest in league)

Notice the difference there? Let me do the math for you. There's a thin, 12-point gap in points scored but a gaping 195-point gap in points against. That's more than 24 points per week, folks.

Give Trees' schedule to Practice, and Practice would have five wins, not two.
Give Practice's schedule to Trees, and Trees would have four wins, not five.

Conclusion? Trees is just plain good, and Practice is just plain unlucky.

A silver lining for Practice, though. He gets the award for oldest starting quarterback tandem. Favre and Kitna's combined age is a whopping 79. Their combined point total? Less whopping: 21.

I'm running out of time for this matchup. Am I forgetting anything? Oh, yeah: Nice job, Explosion.



Republic 96, Hahne 84
As I said in the open, let's tip our caps to Republic, who has now won three in a row. Hahne, meanwhile has lost five of his past 6 games and sits in ninth place -- right above Practice, who has outscored him by 140 points.

Republic has had his share of bad luck, though. Last week, his leading scorer, Kenny Britt, left his 44 points on the bench. This week, he starts Britt, who gets injured and finished with zero.

Last week, Republic started Green-Ellis, who had 8. This week, Green-Ellis had 25 on the bench.

Neither move cost Republic the week, but those precious points lost could come back to haunt him later.

As for Hahne, he could've moved Witten or Sproles into starting position and won. But Hahne still has a solid team, and his starting quarterback pair (P. Manning and Fitzpatrick) looks strong.



Ants 113, Trees 93
[Insert bad nature joke]

Haha, am I right? Ants and Trees? Get it?

Anyway, how about those... Detroit Lions? Yep, those Detroit Lions helped Ants earn 45 of his 113 points thanks to 29 from Calvin Johnson and 16 from the defense. And don't look now, but Ants has recovered from his 0-3 start to a respectable 4-4 record. He's in the hunt!

Meanwhile, traditional fantasy powerhouses Adrian Peterson and T.O. got theirs, combining for 38 points, but the rest of the Trees just didn't show up, resulting in the team's first sub-100 day since Week 1.

That means every team has had at least two sub-100 days except... Explosion! His 85-point Week 1 performance remains his only double-digit day.


Fartsicle 112, Screech 86
Screech got stuffed in a locker for the second week in a row, scoring a personal season low and becoming the last team to break the 90-point... floor?

For Fart, it was all David Garrard, all the time. If Garrard had scored his average, 12 points, instead of a whopping 32 points against the Cowboys, this would've been a much closer game. But Fart still would've won, as he got it done during a low week for the league.

He even won despite starting an injured kicker and despite many of his players being on bye week.

Am I bitter? Yep!



Random Observation
Four of the 10 starting tight ends in the JFL in Week 8 finished with 0 points.



Final thoughts
Crap! I lost!



Post-final thoughts
Check out the record week for Club Zero, An's Stat Page, Playoff Odds, etc. Just use the navbar at the top of the page.

Thanks for reading!